How to be stalker and not die trying

This guy is doing it wrong

In the past, being a stalker wasn't an easy task. In order to find out the whereabouts of the object, you basically had to start thinking about hiring a private detective. Today, we can just log in to Foursquare and Voilá! it is possible to obtain the exact coordenates of our obssesion. 

The problem to this is that Murphy's law will always apply, and it's not an exception to this phenomenon. The rule says: the person you are stalking will never update their social networks frequently. 

For this reason is that I came up with new and creative alternatives to squeeze out the highest amount of information about our target. It's a different world outhere and you better go explore it! The digital world, that is. 

Here's a list of the following stalking tips:


-Diversify de informaiton channels. Under the premise "If Mohammed will not go to the mountain, the mountain must come to Mohammed" it is necessary to extend the investigation to the love interest's friends, or what as I like to call "The Stalkception." This is specially useful to obtain access to the pictures where the target has not been tagged. Yes, that drunk face is not going to stop me from doing my job.


- Scan the websites or Facebook profiles of every joint open in his radius. I must warn that this resource does not provide with real time information, taking into consideration that most pictures are uploaded after an event took place. Still, it is helpful in the long run, because it enables you to obtain behaviour patterns, in order to predict when is the object going to show up to an event in the near future.


- Keep your friends close, and your informants closer. These informants are the pair of eyes you lack. The sci fi hope of teletransportation come true. It is fundamental to show our informants enough images of the persons' appearence so they can manage to distinguish they even in the dark of the night. It is preferable that such informant already has previous knowledge of the target

-Do not underestimate the power of the close friends list on Facebook. Any digital activity of our future soulmate is precious and could be an important lead to find his wanderings.




You are welcome.